showed up three hours late to a party that was already over by the time i got there because i had a little trouble making my fake meat patties
on my death bed pulling a loved one close to utter my last words in a hoarse whisper like remember that time hrh was like yeah these are my SNACKS BITCH!!! that was so funny dog
one minute i’m like we need to take a boulder to the age old systems that have enslaved us all for centuries and the next i’m like what if i legally changed my name to Henrietta Hair Lip
taking a deep breath it’s fine success is a limitless abundance that can be accessed at any time everything happens as it’s meant to
queen of missed opportunities because i overthink myself out of success here hi
the way this thing reads me to filth tho 😞
trying to explain to my parents that jesus is actually lucifer sighing like, it’s just like taylor swift’s reputation era. and they’re just like what
also how tf did i forget the shiitake mushrooms baby taylor swift it was a main thing i needed
every time i leave the house it turns into baby’s day out and a bunch of wacky shit back to back happens and i’m just like sorry y’all i’m a baby. i just unlocked a city bike with a basket full of groceries and the person that used it last didn’t put the kickstand down so everything fell and tamari sauce smashed everywhere and i walked back into the store to see if i could get a new bag and the guy next to me was like are those cooked sweet potatoes? they smell cooked. something in there smells good and freshly cooked. and i’m like covered in soy sauce and shards of glass trying not to have a breakdown. it’s never just i leave the house and normal things happen it’s like always stuff to reiterate my agoraphobic and neurotic tendencies 🤪
i’m here to ruin your party by not being able to hold a conversation without launching into a tirade about class warfare within the first 5mins
happy birthday to my dorky little wife btw
don’t look at me buying nutritional yeast in bulk
me and taylor swift getting ready in the morning at our respective sinks and closets wearing matching robes drinking espresso imported from some exotic country and i look at her and am like this is just like when rosie o’donnell and madonna dated in the nineties
ok but literally what did we do to deserve mariah carey
i love looking back on my posts screaming why am i like this!!! after the edibles hit like total ophiucus vibes ladies am right or am i right